Sheltering the Sorrowful

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.  ~Henri Nouwen

Grief is individual.  No one can go through your grief for you.  However, they can go through the pain with you. 

In the last part of 2010, we lost two people we loved.  In November, Linda Rich, who had battled leukemia for eleven years went to Heaven. Linda was so loved by our church family.  She was an inspiration; each time her leukemia recurred she surrendered sweetly to the will of God. 

We miss Linda, but we grieve with Melinda, her daughter.  They were so close, and Linda's grandchildren were her life.

On the Monday before Christmas we lost our friend and family member, John Cherry.  John was RB's childhood friend.  They played with Matchbox cars under a tree during our church conferences and camps in the summer.  They roomed together at Bible College, were in each other's weddings (John married my cousin), and graduated together. 


At 55, John seemed too young to die.  He had a ministry with internationals and was a great family man.  We ask, "Why?" --  the same question we asked when my brother-in-law went to Heaven two years ago.  Young, a pastor of a thriving church, team teaching with my sister in Marriage Matters Seminars.  Why?  We don't know, but we do know God is good.  He's good when life is cheated.  And God is good when death comes.

I proved that when we lost our daughter, Sarah, in a house fire.  And His people, like the Nouwen quote, "shared our pain and touched our wounds with warm and tender hands."  It was our physical family, our church family, and the family of believers who shared our pain.  Cards and checks filled our mailbox, our phone rang often, and people showed they cared in so many ways:


Daddy and Sarah Janene

Beth wrote, including this song,

Day by day, and with each passing moment, Strength I find, to meet my trials here; Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment, I’ve no cause for worry or for fear. He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure Gives unto each day what He deems best— Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure, Mingling toil with peace and rest. Every day, the Lord Himself is near me With a special mercy for each hour; All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me, He Whose Name is Counselor and Pow’r. The protection of His child and treasure Is a charge that on Himself He laid; “As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,” This the pledge to me He made. Help me then in every tribulation So to trust Thy promises, O Lord, That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation Offered me within Thy holy Word. Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting, E’er to take, as from a father’s hand, One by one, the days, the moments fleeting, Till I reach the promised land.

This song is still special to me.  Others brought clothes and toys for our Melanie, platter after platter of food was delivered, and many cried with us. Vonnie kept track of all the calls, food deliveries and little details so we would know who offered love and concern.  Our best friends took us in until our home could be rebuilt.  It was the little things that "touched our wounds with warm and tender hands."

One of the special acts of love was given to us by our friend Jim.  He took pictures of each memorial floral arrangment.  Quite frankly, I didn't remember many of the flowers.  I remember the local library sent one, and I recall seeing one by Carol and her girls.  With Jim's sweet gift, I was able to see each arrangment.  He ordered double prints (way before digital days) so I could keep one and include the other in my thank-you cards. 

The plants and silk arrangements we were able to take home with us were special and I still use one of them today -- 23 years later.  In light of those, I try to make my gifts of sympathy something that can be cherished -- A silk arrangement in a teapot for a friend who lost her mother, a Bible verse or saying on a wooden plaque or flowers in a special chest that can be used later to store memories.  Be creative.  I've found if you call a Bible Book Store in the town where the funeral home is located, they will deliver something even if it's not a normal service they offer. 

It's sheltering, giving a bit more time, a bit more of our resources, a bit more of our heart.  We can be the one God uses -- to help others feel "Every day the Lord Himself  is near me, with a special mercy for each hour..."