Just a Kid Beneath it All

The imitation of Christ does not mean to live a life like Christ, but to live your life as authentically as Christ lived His.  ~Henri Nouwen


The policeman stood before me, dressed in his blue uniform, hat perched on top of his  head, ticket book in hand.  On a closer look I saw the radio in his pocket, shiny badge on his hat and, gulp, hand cuffs.  Surely this "policer man" wouldn't be too hard on a grandma.  Think again!  He was giving me a ticket for speeding, not wearing a seat belt AND being bad.  Wait a minute -- being bad? 

I looked a little closer at the face under the hat.  Hmmm...beautiful bright blue eyes, deep dimples -- and were those pjs peeking out under his police jacket?  Sure enough, it was just a kid beneath the police clothes. 

I quickly paid my fine of two cookies but couldn't help but think how often I, too, feel like a kid beneath my clothes -- an imposter.  Someone sees my daughters and comments on the great parenting job I did.  I remember the days I was impatient, when I expected too much out of my three-year old, and spent too many hours at the computer instead of planning tea parties.  I'm just a kid beneath my parenting garb.

I hear, "You're so organized," and in my mind I open every cupboard and closet. I may have all the fancy file folders, a beautiful piece of furniture masquerading as a file cabinet and matching hangers, but behind my numbered tubs of craft supplies I'm just a kid, trying to mark off my entire to do list in record time.

Then there's the Bible teacher title.  I love digging out those nuggets of truth, following the people of the Bible through the days of their lives, trying to connect them to my own life and to the lives of those I teach.  Yet behind all my manuscripts, my Bibles of many translations and books of Bible backgrounds, there's a kid who feels like I've barely scratched the surface of what God wants to share with me. 

Do any of you have days you just feel like a kid trying to dress up as someone else?  I wonder who I am if I'm not the good mother, organized homemaker, deep Christian I'm dressed up to be.  And in the middle of my wondering the Holy Spirit gently whispers, "Your identity isn't what you do or fail to do.  Your identity is who you are in Christ." 

It is God who enables us, along with you, to stand firm for Christ. He has commissioned us, and he has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment that guarantees everything he has promised us (2 Corinthians 1:21-22).

How that frees the bondage in my heart.  I don't have to be what people say I am.  I can be real, authentic. 

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it (Colossians 3:12).

I like the style choices of God.  He has chosen me--and my all-purpose dress.  I have to grow into some of the wardrobe; I'm not a kid beneath it all, but a woman with a heart for God--filled with the Holy Spirit.