Romance...with Kids

A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

4 easy ways to romance your spouse:

• Pack a basket of food and fine goblets and spend the afternoon under a shaded tree for a picnic paradise.

• Leave a trail of rose petals to your candle-lit bedroom. You figure out the rest…

• Bring breakfast in bed.

• Take a quiet stroll hand-in-hand, leisure bike ride, or explore hiking together.

Shawn and I are NOT like these few examples above. We’ve tried them all – once. Ha! As a side note, I do want to say that we are becoming more spontaneous and starting to enjoy relaxing in fun, adventuresome ways, but in reality the list of things we think are romantic looks more like:

•  Pack a basket of food and fine goblets and spend the afternoon under a shaded tree for a picnic paradise.  Enjoy a meal out at a restaurant of your choice. Hit up Lowes or Sams. Grab a coffee.
•  Leave a trail of rose petals to your candle-lit bedroom. You figure out the rest…No rose petals in bedroom since 2002(and those were fake), but we do have candles that we light. (I prefer my petals to stay intact in the bouquets he so lovingly brings home.)

• Bring breakfast in bed. Does Shawn making coffee every morning count for a breakfast?! He sometimes adds a love note. I sometimes take the coffee back to bed.

• Take a quiet stroll hand-in-hand, leisure bike ride, or explore hiking together. Exercise together (Definitely not leisure, but together!)

I wish you could see me now. Wishing and dreaming for a chance to do so many romantic things with my hubby. Giggling and dreaming on the inside - hair undone and tired eyes on the outside.  Laundry is humming.  Hubby coming in to give me a quick kiss and giving Good Morning hugs to the kids before heading away from the office to peruse the job sites. Me helping the kids with their learning while we wait for the zucchini bread to finish baking.

But, wait!!! We. Have. Kids. REWIND. What normally happens in between those times looks like:

• Get kids to bed early so we can have some quiet time.
• See #1.
• See #1.
• See #1. (Having you refer to #1 was easier than typing it out each time.)

I digress. Having started a family soon after marrying, we didn’t have too much concern about coming up with ways to keep the romance alive. A baby every 2-3 yrs. in the span of 7 yrs. keeps you quite busy. We enjoyed getting away on anniversaries and birthdays, etc. during those years. Shawn and I are blessed to have 2 sets of grandparents and aunts/uncles that live so very close by. This makes it easy for us to get away for a week at a time or just for a weekend, a night, or an evening where we can enjoy each other’s company without the kids.

As you can see, we are not experts in this area. Shawn and I were almost laughing at the fact that we would be giving advice for romance. We romance each other – but not in jaw-dropping ways. When we do, it’s in ‘small’ ways. I Googled “romantic things to do with your spouse” and relaxed when finding so many ‘small’ things we do were ones that made “The List.” I really don’t feel like giving you another list of things you may do with your spouse because seriously, there are so many ways to keep romance alive if only you have access to books or the internet. Goodness! So many, in fact, to read about, that your spouse could walk in from working all day and you would shout out, “Be there in a minute to give you a welcome home kiss! Got to finish reading the 1,000,099 ways to show you I care…” 

Just DO IT ALREADY! Whatever works for you – do it! Don’t hesitate or second guess yourself. You may think what you do is silly or small, but at the end of the day  if what you did puts a smile on their lips, a sparkle in their eye or a spring in their step – you did it!!! Yes, big, expensive times away are nice, but in reality, there are lots of little inexpensive things you can do in between those bigger moments. The kids can be around. That’s okay. The kids need their mom and dad to be happy. They enjoy knowing that mom and dad love each other. And if you lock your bedroom door or tiptoe out of the house to the front porch to steal a few minutes away – the kids will survive. Trust me. Tried and True.

Our top 5 ways for romancing -- with kids at home…

• Showing affection…Shawn and I get a kick out of the little ones getting grossed out by mom and dad smooching in front of them.

• Texting our love…It makes the day go faster and our smiles wider. We have a secret word we use to let one another know they are being thought about, um, affectionately. P.S. Make sure you don’t have the reading-aged kids that live in the house check for messages. Don’t ask how I know that...

• Making a connection…Shawn loves to hold hands. The bean field in front of our home now has an amazing smooth, dirt track which is great for four-wheelers, go-carts and bikes. It has been amazing for taking walks. Shawn and I are enjoying our exercise together. Granted, if the kids aren’t occupied on the trampoline or whatever, we may have a bike pass us on the left, or an extra little human being that steps alongside us, but we are still together. This picture holds a lot of love. Our sweet six-year-old kept stopping to pick flowers on one of the laps around and we came back to find this written in the dirt…

• Writing words of affirmation…I received a set of love cards for my husband via a Christmas gift from my mother.  How easy it is to write Shawn a quick love note on the back. You can place them anywhere. He once found one in his clean sock while away on a work trip….

• Taking normal and running away with it…Our plans of a weekend family get-away were cancelled. Saddened, but not to be deterred, Shawn and I worked on a new plan. Camping out in our backyard. Right after we set up, it began pouring rain. We waited. Kids got busy having fun inside and the rain stopped. Shawn and I headed outside – alone! We were able to enjoy the quiet time and ate supper (hot-off-the-campfire hotdogs) without the kids rushing over. One morning we even sipped coffee around the fire while the kids played happily nearby.

You see? A couple can still have romance with kids running around creating chaos! And we ain’t perfect. Sometimes it is us creating the chaos….but remember this:  In-between the normal daily life routine – aka chaos -- it’s easy and cheap to put a smile on their lips, a sparkle in their eye or a spring in their step!

 Soli Deo Gloria

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