Working Together and Loving It

Marriage Week: 
Six Reasons I Want a Marriage Like My Parents by Pamela
Preparing for Marriage God's Way by Emily 
Romance...With Kids by Melanie 
Keeping the In Sickness and In Health Wedding Vows by RB
Staying Close Through Tragedy by Pamela
Working Together and Loving It by RB and Pamela

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always to the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin


When I tell people that RB and I work together, I get various reactions. Some hesitantly say they aren't sure they could do it. Others ask how exactly that works, and really brave friends venture to ask how many fights we have. 

We worked together by default for many years -- on the same campus. We traveled and held Vacation Bible Schools -- up to ten a summer. It was fun and we loved it. I told stories, RB led and accompanied the singing. I wrote, RB proofed. (After my first book, that is;  I had to prove I could do it myself on the first one!) RB Edit: You forgot to say that you limited my story-telling; remember that I had trouble sticking to the script, so made it up? -- which produced havoc when it was your turn for the interactive response! Thanks for re-directing me to illustrate the stories with pastel chalk while you narrated. Much safer arrangement! 

We worked together in separate roles for 19 years. Then we moved and our work locations were 40 miles apart. I thought I would never adjust to seeing RB off to work, not to see him until 11 hours later. It was during those days that our dream of working together was born.

It was a dream we both thought was in the distant future. Then God just poured out blessing after blessing and we found that dream turn into reality. RB now works as a full-time professor, but from where I write, I can reach out and touch his desk. And that, friends, is a joyful thing.  RB Edit: I love it, too, and don't forget that when I drive to Cincinnati or Indy or Fort Wayne for my onsite teaching gigs, I always put you in the trunk and drop you off at Barnes and Noble (well, you know...). 

With this change our other dream of writing together has become a reality. Last Thursday we finished our first "together" project, writing a Bible Study with Jeff Keaton for his book, The Life of Radical Faith. We learned a thing or two about working together. RB Edit: Make that "a thousand or two things!" Talk about getting on the same page -- whew!

1. We write differently.
When I write, I just start and see what comes out. RB says, "Now don't write this down yet..." Then he talks and asks, "You typed that, didn't you? I sure hope so, 'cause I don't think I can remember how I said it!" We respect each other's writing styles. RB wordsmiths better than I do -- especially in academic writing. Instead of trying to outdo his intelligence, I celebrate it (and try to learn from it). RB Edit: I am warped by sticking to "exegesis and learning outcomes" -- can't help myself! I admit it -- I need to relax...

2. We look at deadlines differently.
I look at a deadline and say, "Let's finish three weeks early." RB looks at a deadline and says, "I think we can make that." Of course during this last project, he also wrote a 70-page paper, so he's not dwaldling (my Pennsylvania jargon coming through...sorry); he has a lot on his plate. For me, this is where I'm adjusting the most. He's patient though and I try not to count days in my head if he has something that needs completed before we get to the project. RB Edit: Wow, Babe, sure glad I read this; it's good to know!

3. RB talks more than I do.
I know those of you who know only me don't believe that. But our closest friends will laugh. Often when I'm in the middle of writing a thought, RB takes off on some random trail. Well, that is remedied easily. I just ask him to wait a minute, finish my thought, and then he resumes speed. Many men would get miffed, but not RB. He just respects my need for quiet-studious-reflective-thought-capturing-moments, and talks when I'm ready. RB Edit: I have nothing to say!

4. It doesn't matter where we work.
If RB has meetings at Marion, we pack up and work in the library in between meetings. We can wander around campus, holding hands, breathing in the beautiful fragrance of the flowers, and taking pictures. If he's teaching at night in Indianapolis, we leave home early and work at Barnes and Noble. Sometimes we share a salted caramel cookie and grin at each other when we catch comical chattering from another table. And if we're at home, working on a huge project, we just may set a table up in the middle of the living room until we're finished. RB Edit: The variety keeps us going, and the travel time gives us an opportunity to dream together and talk about all things bright and beautiful, bleak and burdensome, positive and praiseworthy... 

5. I still don't like cooking. 
I cook. And I'm a pretty good cook. But if I never had to make another meal, I'd be delighted. Once RB started working from home, I had two extra meals to prepare -- which took away from my writing time. RB solved that problem quickly. Each morning he prepares me a poached egg, two pieces of bacon, and a glass of iced tea -- AND cleans up the mess. RB Edit: I'm afraid you enjoy this too much; I see no end in sight :). But don't forget, I also duplicate the entree (substituting hot coffee for cold tea, of course) for myself; so glad I learned eggs and bacon are not life-threatening -- Just think of the last 50 years of faulty lab research that has blinded us! And it's so enlightening to know that the nutrients in the egg are in the yolk, not the white... Glorious discovery! 

5. We love working together.
I think the adjustments are less than we thought they would be. Knowing God orchestrated so many areas for this new season of life to happen makes us look at working together as a gift. The rest is just due to RB being such an easy guy to be with. There's something to be said for stealing kisses between chapters! RB Edit: Aww, what can I say?!

RB is going to add his thoughts in red (he just doesn't know it yet). RB Edit: Oops, too late -- I already did; my mantra holds true: "Much easier to ask forgiveness, than to seek permission...!" Write on, Pamela! I'll probably proof until "the twelfth of never...and that's a long, long time." (Johnny Mathis)