For Like Ever: The Secret Ingredient

Relationships blossom when sacrifice takes the place of selfishness.                                                                                  ~Darlene Schacht

They made it beautiful, these who love our Emily. The shower was hosted by Melanie, Emily’s sister and matron of honor. The other bridesmaids (along with Katie and Kayla’s mother) helped with planning, set up and food. It was a magical day for Emily as she shared this time with her closest friends. 

One of the things I loved was this framed poster, “For Like Ever.” It was adorable on Melanie’s antique desk. (I wish you could see how it was arranged, but I’ve cropped some of the pictures to make a personal shower appropriate for the public.) But really, don’t we all face marriage with these words – wanting it to be a forever marriage?

I know every marriage doesn't always end at ever. Where there are abuse and unhealthy issues, safety is of importance and husbands or wives often don’t have the option of making it forever. It takes two people to make the ever happen. Each one has to be committed to the ever. And God must be in the center. With a committed husband and wife, and God at the center, there is one secret ingredient that takes a marriage from average to fantastic. Henny Youngman said, “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” But I don’t think it does.

It’s a simple thing, really. But it’s a simple ingredient that must be chosen every day. I give you the ingredient with gentleness. There are times we all need to work on our marriages, myself included, so I’m offering this with love. The secret ingredient is unselfishness. I believe that most issues in a marriage begin with selfishness. We want our own way. We want to be right. We don’t want to make the effort. When we choose the selfish way we often bottle it with laziness. 

I’m NOT fixing him dinner – let him get his own.

I’m NOT giving up my plans to stay home with her.

I’m NOT giving up my shopping trip so he can fund his hunting trip.

I’m NOT going to her side of the family for Christmas.

I’m NOT going to let him be the spiritual leader of our home.

I’m NOT, NOT, NOT.

Being unselfish doesn’t mean you enjoy her mother or sister. It means you love your wife (or husband!) enough to visit her family (and be pleasant doing it).

Being unselfish doesn’t mean you cook a five course dinner each night. It does mean you make an effort (squash the laziness) to fix a healthy meal and sit down and enjoy it with him. And on his nights to cook, you eat and thank him for fixing you a meal. 

Being unselfish doesn't mean you don’t have an opinion. It means God ordained marriage and placed your husband as your spiritual leader. Opinions can be discussed, but like Christ as the head of the church, we must submit to the spiritual direction of our husbands. 

I’m happy I chose the ever. Yes, I’ve been selfish and even lazy at times. But with age comes understanding. You may not have done it correctly in the past, but you determine to be unselfish from now to ever.

Take time each day for a “real” kiss. Say “I love you” and choose the ever. The blessings will far outweigh what you received from the selfishness. And you’ll have a marriage that lasts “for like ever.” 

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Soli Deo Gloria