Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sheltering through Discipline



Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
~P. J. O'Rourke





Every parent I know would say, "I love my child."  However, I believe a loved child equals a disciplined child.  Except for nine months, our Melanie was an only child for nine years.  We got the normal cracks about only children being spoiled.  My husband always returned that statement with one of his own, "There are no spoiled children -- just undisciplined."    

Janet with my daughters, Melanie and Emily
The thing about discipline and children is that it's just so easy.   My friend, Janet, taught me that consistency was the key to training a child.  She was right -- she proved it before I did with her own children, and I took her advice with mine.  What excites me is that my own daughter and son-in-law are carrying on the tradition.

Now, for some reason, too many parents seem to look at discipline as negative.  It doesn't have to be.  Shawn and Melanie wanted to encourage their children to remember to say "Yes, Ma'am and No, Sir" as a response to a command.  Each time they remember it, they get a penny.  If they forget, they lose one.  They were here one day last week, and Melanie had come to pick them up.  She told them it was time to put on their boots.  Ethan looked at Melanie and asked, "Is that a command?"  He was counting on his penny.  They won't have to keep the penny deal forever.  Already the children are using their responses at appropriate times.  The key is giving or taking a penny each time.  The children don't have to wonder if one time it will matter, but not another time.  They rely on that consistency. 
Shawn, Melanie, Ethan, Landon and Morgan

Consistency is necessary, but not effective without the component of love. Love your kids "up to the sky and back down."  Love them more, best, and most.  Smother them with hugs, praise and make sure each day to use actions to say, "I love you."

Here are a few ways to say "I love you." 

1. Create a secret sign to convey "I love you" in the midst of a crowd.  It can it been the American Sign Language for I love you, a wink, a tug on your ear or a quick succession of 1, 2, 3 fingers. 

2.  Cut out an O and X and hide them under their pillow or in their lunch box.  No words necessary.

3.  Read to them.  You knew I'd say that, didn't you?  Seriously, when you get all cuddled up with a blanket around both of you, it's hard not to feel love. 

4.  Do chores together.  Yes, it's their chore to make their bed.  But once in a while, you can help. You'll be surprised what you'll hear while you're working together.

5.  Write notes to your child.  Target's Dollar Spot has metal mailboxes.  Buy one for each member of the family--including you.  Using a permanent marker, print each member's name on the side of the box.  You'll be surprised how many notes you'll find in yours.

6.  Love your spouse.  Growing up, there was never any question in my mind whether or not my parents loved each other.  They loved spending time together. Mom baked cinnamon rolls and apple dumplings because "daddy loved them."  We even caught them kissing once in a while.

My Parents

7. Leave little presents for them to find on their dresser or on their plate at the table.  I found this idea at Simply this or that or the other blog.  It's so easy to make.


Cut a triangle

Fold each point to opposite end.


Decorate one side.
I cut a smaller triangle and glued down.
Then I used a red foil M and added a pink heart gem.


Punch a hole at the top of each triangle.
Fill the box with a surprise.
Thread ribbon or netting through the holes and tie in a bow.
Ideas for the surprise:
Foam hearts:  About 1/3 of a container of foam hearts (Target Dollar Spot)
Small pre-inked stamps (Target Dollar Spot: 6/$1.00)
Lip Smacker's Chap Stick








24 comments:

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with number 3. It is hard to not feel loved. We try and read to each other often.
Marie

Esther Asbury said...

You are right on target with this post! I've had mothers of toddlers "apologize" to me for constantly having to tell their 1 1/2 year old "no - no" while at my house. I've always re-assured them that it's perfectly fine --- and that if you are consistent in those young/formative years it pays off when they get a little older. My daughter is only 8 - and for several years now we've been living in "pay-off" time. She learned while still young that Daddy and Mommy mean what they say and now we seldom have to discipline. Oh, there are those stages they hit when they "test the waters again" but for the most part I'm reaping the benefits of consistency.....and quite a few of those lessons we chose to teach using positive reinforcement (like Melanie and the quarters!).
BTW - LOVE all your ideas for saying "I love you!"

Kim M. said...

My favorite quote in this post:
Consistency is necessary, but not effective without the component of love. Love your kids "up to the sky and back down." Love them more, best, and most. Smother them with hugs, praise and make sure each day to use actions to say, "I love you."

Rebecca said...

So true - and such fine suggestions to "prime the pump"!

Kym said...

Very true! And I especially love the O'Rourke quote at the beginning! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hi Pamela

Very good post. I'm going to pass your tips along to my daughter. With 3 hyper active kids she needs all the help she can get :-)

God bless you and have a great week :-)

~Ron

Marsha Young said...

Pamela,
What a thoughtful and loving post. I am a first time visitor, but I will definitely be back. I was born in Indiana - so from one fellow Hoosier to another, nice to meet you. ...Marsha

Jackie said...

Hey Pamela!

Thanks for your recent comment on my blog and following along. I love meeting new blogging sisters and following along with you, too!

Great post here and I love all your "I love you" ideas!

Thanks for sharing!

Blessings!
Jackie

Musings of A Minister said...

Great post full of common sense and wonderful wisdom. I was encouraged by reading this. Thank you. ( Thanks for dropping by my blog and leaving a comment.)

Sr Crystal Mary said...

Hello Pam, You are right!! Consistancy is the answer. And teaching by example. I have told mine this. My grandchildren are all pretty well on track. I have seven. My eldest granddaughter married at twenty two. She spent all her unworking hours with church friends, no boyfriends. The man she married was one of these church friends. His parents are both Pastors and my granddaughter and her new hubby intent to be missionaries. God Bless you and your beautiful family.

Sr Crystal Mary said...

Hello Pam, You are right!! Consistancy is the answer. And teaching by example. I have told mine this. My grandchildren are all pretty well on track. I have seven. My eldest granddaughter married at twenty two. She spent all her unworking hours with church friends, no boyfriends. The man she married was one of these church friends. His parents are both Pastors and my granddaughter and her new hubby intent to be missionaries. God Bless you and your beautiful family.

Mevely317 said...

Hi Pam ... I'm so delighted you dropped by my place, so I could discover yours in turn! And yes, I'm captivated!
My son and DIL have raised their daughters to respond with the "Yes Sir/Ma'am" since they were little - it's not 100% fool-proof, but as it makes me pretty proud all the same.
I can't wait to share your tips, especially the "I love you" signal.
Have yourself a wonderful week!
Myra (aka Mevely317)

Jan said...

Hi Pam, It was great you dropped by and left an encouraging and informative comment.

And every parent should read and act on your wise article here on loving discipline and consistency.

Great grandchildren are next in my life cycle, my Grands around 17-21 now.
Blessings,
Jan

Kathy C. said...

Pamela, what a beautiful post! Love and discipline go hand in hand, and sadly many parents (as you noted) don't discipline. The result is not really understanding what it means to "love" their children, because they aren't taking the time to raise them up properly. I love the ideas you noted about ways to say I love you...precious!

❀~Myrna~❀ said...

Wonderful mentoring post ! Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us !I love the Love Craft ! Congrats on being married for 50 Years !
Blessings,
~Myrna

Sherry Sherron said...

Once again, a wonderful post. I'm always looking forward to what you have next. Thanks for sharing. I also appreciate you stopping by. Your comments are always so encouraging. I'm definitely working on the recipe blog. I just have to get out of the winter gloomies!! Have a great day!

Pen to Paper; Spirit to Soul said...

Wow, your blog is beautiful! Thanks for stopping by and checking out my latest book review.
Hope to get to 'know' you better!

Pamela

Trisha said...

Great encouragement, Pamela! I love to do all of those things with my children, and you are right, disciplined children are happy children. We do the "yes maam" and "no maam" too. I'm amazed at the number of adults who tell our children NOT to say that to them. :) Blessings!

Vintagesouthernlife said...

Amen! You are so right on the money. As a former teacher, consistent discipline is so important... and it must be done with love.

Thanks for dropping by my blog and leaving a comment.

Unknown said...

Pamela, these photos are so beautiful. I cannot believe how many years of marriage! It's so comforting to read that as I'm always trying to show on my blog that true love still exists :)

Thank you for sharing this post
Love,
katie

Unknown said...

Thank you for your visit to my blog Pamela! I'm so glad I stopped by yours, I will definitely be a follower. I appreciate the family wisdom, and will apply it with my grandchildren! Family values restored, will restore our whole nation.

Blessings to you and yours!

Robin

April said...

This is so awesome. I truely enjoy reading your posts! Thanks for your sweet words today. And I love the mailbox idea. So cute! I would love for you to link this up to my Sew Crafty Party this weekend

Rosilind Jukic said...

Wow - what an awesome post. It is most certainly going to be "starred" in my Google Reader so I can reflect back on it often. I so agree with every word. Good discipline with lots of love = a well behaved and secure child. And I love your last point in tips for showing love - love your spouse. Kids may make faces and say "gross" when parents hug and kiss - but secretly they treasure those moments and they create an even more secure world for them. Thank you!

Janettessage.blogspot.com said...

We are a "yes ma, yes sir" family also and my adult children have called me time and again to tell me thanks for that form of raising them because it has served them well in the world. I love your suggestions...I have slipped on doing those things as much as I should..thanks for the encouragement to do it with my last two.
Great, great post!